We all desire more confidence. A short-cut to immediate confidence is simple: go first.
This may seem simple but ask yourself: Do you tend to initiate social interactions or tend to wait until the other person does? Poor conversationalists are normally reactive, as opposed to proactive. Many people wait for something to happen to them.
Bosses go after what they want. When you see someone in the hall, do you say “Hi” first? Do you ask them how they’re doing first? Do you initiate conversations? Do you ask the questions in the conversation or let the other person take the lead?
From now on, take an active approach and upgrade your confidence immediately. Be the first to say “Hi.” Be the first to ask a question, raise your hand, speak up in class, or take action. Acting first, in any situation, instantly boosts how confident you appear to others, and in turn, boosts your feeling of confidence also.
When you see a colleague in the hallway, ask them how their day is going before they ask you. When you sit down with someone for lunch, ask them questions first. Bring up the first story. Do you have to meet with someone? Go to them and initiate the meeting first, rather than hoping that they eventually ask you to meet. During a conversation, steer the conversation more times than they steer it.
Make it a game. When you go first, you win a point. When they go first, you lose a point! It took me years to realize how often I instinctively waited for the other person to go first – as if I was not allowed to dictate the conversation.
After taking that initial step of acting first, not only will you feel an extra boost of confidence, but you’ll feel an infusion of happiness. Why, you say? When you act first, you feel a sense of control. And people who feel in control of their lives are happier. If you’re someone who always waits for something to happen to you; you’ll find it very difficult to find happiness. Good things usually don’t just fall out of trees and hit you on the head. Shifting from a passive to an active mindset can truly change your world.
Stay social, my friends.